my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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