i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
