im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
As shirtless as possible
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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