So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my sisters under your porch take her home
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Randomize