Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize