Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
