"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
