if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
