just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
