I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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