if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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