Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
