im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize