I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
