i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
