so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize