his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
