I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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