Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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