No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
