It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
