a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
