Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
