I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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