Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
