I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
