After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
