At least make sure they are 18
Why
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
