Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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