none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
