And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
