just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
