I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize