Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
