Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
