I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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