don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
