I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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