I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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