Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
