I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
