I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
FUCK WHALES
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