yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize