He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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