Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
