At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
