**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
