Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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