But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
