So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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