when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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