he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize