the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
