Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
