so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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