the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
