Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
