No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
