Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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