Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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