That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
